Tag Archives: New Year resolutions

The Big Cock Debacle 2013 {and why I’m actually making a New Year’s res this year.}

6 Jan

I have a pretty keen eye for many things. But clearly I have some gaps in my ability to grasp certain details. Like how some links are created on good old Facebook.

Let me explain.

A few days before Christmas this year I was taking a zone out/Facebook surfing break in between a slew of obligations I had to attend to.

I avoid posting, sharing or responding to anything that is strongly political or religious, which often have political overtones. I’m not offended that people post such things. Freedom of speech and all. Just like they have the right to post I have the right to ignore and keep my views private or for more personal conversations.

I like funny stuff. Who doesn’t. I like edgy and sometimes inappropriate stuff too. Again, I’m not alone.

One of the of the page feeds that I have “Liked” is the Onion’s Facebook page. The Onion is delightfully sarcastic, satirical, irreverent, comical and funny. Definitely edgy and often times inappropriate.

Among other posts to FB, they had posted an article (more of a photo collection) titled “The Big Cocks Of 2013”. How could I ignore an invitation like that? Click.

A collection of about 11 photos, a very impressive body of work. Call me immature for scrolling through photos of dude junk. It was hard to look away. A little bit shocking (they weren’t joking) I think because while women’s breasts and asses are plastered all over the place, whether you are looking for it or not, male genitalia is kept tucked away. Unless, of course, you are deliberately looking for it. I certainly wasn’t offended. Entertained really.

What was most entertaining though weren’t the photos themselves (I never knew their was so much landscaping done in the land of Man Gardens) but rather the text underneath the photos. Things along the line of “Hey, you sicko perv! We told you what you would be looking at. Clearly you’re here to see some dick!” and “Oh by the way, this cock belongs to the guy who but this photo gallery together.” and “This is an illustration of a dick. From a photo of a dick.” I guess it tickled my funny bone that they didn’t even try and deliver something other than what the title was and then made fun of the fact. Which made the comments in the FB thread funny as well; “I was not expecting that.” and “I thought I was going to see a giant chicken stomping on New York city.” and “Where’s Foghorn Leghorn?”

I show my love and appreciation to the posting site by clicking “Like”. It is my way of showing that I have seen their efforts and I applaud them. A slap on the back between me, the site and other “Likers”. Or so I had always  thought.

Later that evening my husband and I went to a friend’s Holiday cocktail party. Their house was filled with people we were delighted to see and share time, drinks and conversations with. At one point my husband and I were around the outside fire pit with a few other couples. I brought up the Onion’s post. Describing it and creating gales of laughter among everyone was pretty easy. Selfies of penises + irreverent written content=giggles.

The next morning my husband came into our master bathroom area while I was getting dressed.

Hubby: “I checked out that post you were talking about last night. I’m the size of most of those guys”. To qualify his statement he dropped trou. As if there was any doubt. Except for the elephant’s penis. Thankfully.

Me: “Oh, so you hunted down the post on the Book Face?”

Hubby: “You made a link to it on my Facebook feed.”

Me: “What? No I didn’t. I didn’t do the whole ‘Share’ thing. I had just clicked ‘Like’.”

Hubby: “What do you think that does? It makes a link. Here, look.” Okay, that hurt a bit because he knows very little about settings and navigating on FB. Or so I had thought.

Me: “Really?” Ohmygodohmygodohmygod…OH MY GOD! “really…”

Hubby: “Yeah. Now your Grandma and your twelve year old son know you like big cocks.” And my employer, maybe some older teen dance students, their moms, other parents who my kids go to school with…F*CK!

Have you ever been in that brain space where you are waiting for the bomb to drop? You aren’t quite sure if the drop will even happen, or how exactly it will play out,  but you start to create your new reality anyway. That was my brain space. Would I get onto Facebook and find that I have been un-friended by a mass offended and disgusted friends? Will I have messages from angry mothers? Will my boss ( who I’m sure likes big cocks, just not posts about them) be wanting to have strong words with me? Erg.

I mean, they were just photos of penises. Photos that should best be left off of FB. Shit.

So, amazingly, at least to me, there was no fall out. I didn’t want to post an apology or anything because that would surely bring attention to it. “Hey, just in case you missed my exercise in stupidity and carelessness, here it is! Check out these cocks! Yeah baby! Um, sorry.”

My husband had a good laugh telling some friends and my mother.

I felt, still feel, embarrassed and foolish for not realizing that hitting “Like” creates a pretty clear link on a news feed. Yeah sure, I know it pops up in that little side feed in the right column. It’s column everyone pretty much ignores. Like a harmless and tiny gnat; it’s constantly buzzing but not enough to smack the shit out of it. When I went onto my news feed and really looked I clearly saw how links like my “Like” clicking are created. “So and so Likes this”. Bold as brass. How could I have been so blind. Der der der.

I rarely, if ever, make New Years resolutions. I have always felt that if something is worth doing or changing then the new habit or change should be implemented ASAP.

I feel that I have been given a wonderful opportunity to change my ways. Or at least to be more discerning and discreet about what I allow to link up on my feed. How many other crazy things have I made links to with “Liked” posts such as this one; The 5 Parts Sex Porn Doesn’t Prepare You For. via cracked.com. I will just have to send my love and appreciation for this kind of hilarity through the ether. Or just email it to people that I know for sure will get a kick out of it.

Oh, and if you’re wondering where the link for the post from The Onion that inspired this post…well, I’ve done enough. You want some dick pics, find ’em yourself.

I will stick with clicking “Like” and “Share” for site like these:

upworthy.com; A Brave Fan Asks Patrick Stewart…

Dance related articles, video and pictures.

Crazy, cool stuff I want to talk my husband into doing with me…

Hilarity without photos of genitalia…

And just about anything from wimp.com

Overprotective Kitten

…or Earth Porn…

With all of those choices, who needs pics of big dicks? (Of course I will still look with a title like “Big Cocks Of 2013.”)

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Image source.

Thanks for hanging out. Have a great 2014!

Got any  FB or other social media tales of folly?

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